Currently Listening The Beatles 1 By The Beatles Yesterday see related

2005...ends here; with shit it brought,
No longer weather grip of fancy, neigh...
Tolerate trepidation, impiety,
Erratic; as such "love" and "friendship" aught.

For days in passing do bring disaster,
Emotions blind to presciencéd sorrow,
Failure abounds in this bygone morrow,
As sloth be crime to the folly master.

Commandeering a simple cadaver,
Limits set be not merely forgotten,
Greatness won; found outside figure laden,
Come pillared wits do the body conquer.

Live for the moment, thus live for the time,
Existing but only to be alive...

This will be my year, I swear it....2006. 

Currently Listening Whatever & Ever Amen By Ben Folds Five Brick see related

Wow...I'm actually updating; it's been quite a while, hasn't it ?  There are way too many things in my life that've happened since I last wrote here and I don't care enough to try to recap any of it.  Anyways, if you don't already know most of it then you probably don't care.   1st quarter has come and gone and I can assure everyone that Junior year lives up to its reputation of being the hardest year at St. X.  Friendships have been formed and broken but, for the most part, things have continued to be like they were last year.  I guess that means that everything is just "okay" at best....

The real reason I'm here is to make a promise to myself and have everyone who reads this be a witness that may attest to it.   I'm fucking tired of how my life has been going so far this year.  More than not, I hate myself with a passion.  School is seriously killing me slowly and, unless I actually start trying to do well,  I am going to go out of my mind.  Trust me, 4 APs is by no means impossible and, in fact, it isn't even that difficult; but I've just been so apathetic to giving any effort that my grades are starting to reflect that.  Procrastination is probably the cause of half of the stress I get on a daily basis and the reason for it is because I have no self-determination.  In my relationships with others, I am pretty much just settling with what I have and not trying to build stronger bonds.  I can't honestly say I have any really good friends to whom I could open myself completely.  I'm sick of waiting around hoping that certain things will happen.  It's about time I take action and assume full responsibility for what I am.  I swear, on everything that I claim to be, that I will, from this point on, put forth every effort possible to live out the struggle towards the magis.  This means I'm not going to waste any time just shitting around like I have been up till now.  I want to use the time I am given to its optimum capability.  I no longer want to be weak of mind, body, and spirit.  Everything I do should somehow promote my happiness and ability to become a better person.  Among other things, I am going to create a sort of schedule that will allot time for everything and more.  I will do all of my school work with more than sufficient time.  I am going to start working out every single day and eating healthier too.  I am going to approach friendships and other kinds of relationships with my full attention and I will no longer be content with just "settling".  There are also many other personal changes that I plan to undergo, even though I prefer not to list any of them here.  These adjustments, in compilation, will probably be the hardest and most extreme test of determination and self-integrity that I may ever attempt, and it will be continuous throughout the rest of my life.  I need to prove to myself that I can be the person I want to be.  Ultimately, what I want from all of this is to be a happy and accomplished human being.  I remember Coach Specht once saying that he asks his players to look themselves in the mirror at the end of the day and ask, "Am I a better person today?"  Our football team is now going into regional Finals, undefeated; therefore there must be some credibility to this idea.  From now on, I will ask myself this question every night, and, if the answer is negative, I will push myself even further the next day.  Of course, I am not going to succeed right away because I know that I am weak; I am only human after all.   That is why I need every person that reads this to support and help me through this transformation.  In improving myself, I hope that all of those around me may also be enriched.  Even if I am to fail miserably, the one thing I hope for more than anything else is that the people around me may benefit somehow.  I want to be happy, but only if I am able to make the lives of my friends and family more joyful because, otherwise, nothing I do will be worth shit.

I'll leave you with my favorite poem which, if you understand it, in a way contradicts the intent of this update.  Nevertheless, it grasps a concept of life that I wish I could leave behind.  I want to believe that my life is meaningful; that my actions can have an impact on my being and that of the people around me.  However, I honestly just don't know...  All I can hope is that Poe was indeed a dejected lunatic playing off the emotions he felt for his wife, instead of the intuitive genius, who was able to probe into the depths and self-eminent truths of the human being, that I believe him to be.  For the sake of humanity, I hope I am wrong.

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door;
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore,
Nameless here forevermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me---filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
" 'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is, I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you." Here I opened wide the door;---
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
Lenore?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word,
"Lenore!" Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,
"Surely," said I, "surely, that is something at my window lattice.
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.
" 'Tis the wind, and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven, of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.
Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven, wandering from the nightly shore.
Tell me what the lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore."
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning, little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door,
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered;
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Other friends have flown before;
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master, whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster, till his songs one burden bore,---
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never---nevermore."

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore --
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

Thus I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee -- by these angels he hath
Sent thee respite---respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, O quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--
On this home by horror haunted--tell me truly, I implore:
Is there--is there balm in Gilead?--tell me--tell me I implore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil--prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that heaven that bends above us--by that God we both adore--
Tell this soul with sorrow laden, if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden, whom the angels name Lenore---
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels name Lenore?
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted---nevermore!

     --Edgar Allan Poe (February 1845, American Review)

I might update again later...or I might not...it all depends on how I'm feeling and whether or not I can find the time and if I am able to see a purpose to it.  Life is interesting...we can never be sure of anything...

Currently Listening X&Y By Coldplay Speed of Sound see related

Hey, guess what !?  I'm back from Disney !!!    Well, actually I've been back for about 3 weeks now,  but I've just been too lazy to write anything since.  And, in case you didn't know I was back, then you really probably don't care.  Anyways, the vacation was pretty damn good.  I got to spend some time in Miami with my uncle and cousin, who had apparently gotten married and nobody decided to tell me !  It was great to spend time with them, though, cause I rarely get to see them.  And what was even better was the fact that my grandma, other uncle, and 2 other cousins met up with us from Colombia.  And then they spent a week here in Cincy with us !  We even got to go to KI and The Beach on 2 consecutive days !  That was pretty cool, especially since my family now seems to be a lot better than I remember them being.  Seriously, everyone's awesome now.  And I can't tell you how much fun we had making fun of Argentinans !   Nobody will understand this but ..... "mira esta propina, esos Colombianos estaban muy felizes con el 'pocho'".  Haha, good times.

That was a few weeks ago, though, so now I should start talking about more recent events. So let's see.... Last week, I met two of the coolest girls I know.  Lindsay and Leah, you guys are awesome !!!  We actually went bowling with a group, which included Roark, Chandler, Sam, Ryan (yay !), Jarrod, and David.  It was a lot of fun !   Afterwards, we went to Laser Web for a bit; but what was great was when I went to Eric Dorger's house later that night.  He and Noreen were hosting a Disney-a-thon, which was cool cause I got to see Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast, two movies that I wish I had seen more often in the last few years.  And of course, I also got to spend time with Noreen and Eric and Scott Feister, who showed up later that night, which are all people that I wish I got to see more often.  Two days after that, though, I got to see some of my new favorite people again when I went to Bethany House with Macke, who has really been helpful in going every chance he gets.  But the best part was that who else was there other than.... Leah and Lindsay !!!  Haha, I always love spending time with the kids at BH, but I must say that watching Leah ride around in a little kid's bike made the experience so much more worth it !  I love spending time with those two !!!  Nevertheless, guess what Friday was for someone else I love !?

HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY NOREEN !!!

     - Remember that I still owe you a postcard and a gift of some kind !

Hmmm....I also got schedulized for anyone who cares; so here's how it's looking now even though it's subject to change cause I want to try to get Wind Ensemble in there somehow:

     1st Period - English 3 (Cahill)

     2nd Period - AP Biology (Nardini)

     3rd Period (1st Sem) - AP CompSci A (Reynolds)

     3rd Period (2nd Sem) - free period ! .... but probably not for long

     4th Period - Morality/Justice (Gresham)

     5th Period - Lunch.... I hope

     6th Period - AP US History (Bradley)

     7th Period - French Literature (Krumplebeck)

     8th Period - Precalculus BC (Micheal)

What else.....?   Oh, I got my license a little bit ago, but my parents are still kind of strict about where I can drive; so don't expect me to be going down to see all of you on a consistent basis.  The only place other than school where I think my parents let me drive by myself was to Anthony's party at Laser Web last Saturday.  That was pretty cool, but it ended kind of early and I didn't get chance to meet Jess; so I'm kind of disappointed.  And apart from that, band camp just started and we seem to be doing pretty good so far.  I think we're a lot more concentrated and dedicated than last year, and since Mr. Palm has now been around for a while things are going much smoother.  The only thing that I miss from last year are all of our seniors.  Damn, I'm still having trouble getting over the fact that they won't be there this year.    Oh well ....

So yea, I'm not gonna have any free time whatsoever for the next 3 weeks cause of band and school work.  I finally decided to get started on my summer homework, and I too am surprised that I actually began with more than week's time to spare !!!  But, honestly, I'm gonna have to probably do at least 4 hours of school work per day while I'm not at away band camp.  Yea, this sucks.   I'm not gonna be online nearly as often as I was for the rest of this summer.  If you ever wanna talk to me, which I will GREATLY appreciate, just call my cell.  This might be the last you might hear from me for a while if you don't.

Currently Listening American Pie By Don Mclean American Pie see related

It's been a while, a very long while.  I know I lied on my last entry about writing more often, but the SSSS has consumed my free time as of late.  But I finally decided to update and temporarily relieve my apathy, mostly cause I'm gonna leave for Florida in 2 hours and I just want to tell everyone.  I'll be gone from now till Sunday, July 17. I'm going to Miami and Orlando (yes, that means Disney !) with my family.  I know you're all gonna miss me !!!   I already left some people in charge of coordinating our nightly chats and goings to Bethany House, so I hope you guys can survive without me.  Please help Noreen and Turtle out by volunteering to go to BH with them on either Tuesday or Thursday; I'll be eternally grateful !

Anyways, let's see what I haven't talked about; that I should've done as it happened:  Everybody who helped me and Noreen over the last few weeks at Bethany House, THANK YOU !!!  You guys are awesome !   Another group of people I'd like to thank are all the members of the SSSS.  When Turtle, Courtney, and I first started it a little over a week ago, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing that just came out of nowhere.  We really didn't expect it to continue going after that night; but it has since grown and flourished to become the society we know today ! It's a lot of fun; let's try to keep it going as long as possible.    As for specific events that I forgot to point out:  My birthday was on the 29th.  Now I'm finally 16, which really doesn't mean much until I get my license, but it's still good !!!  My late birthday gift was particularly special !  Over the weekend, on July 4th actually, I went to Tim's (Sander) house and that was pretty cool cause I haven't really talked to him much this summer and we just got time to hung out.  And then yesterday, or actually two days ago, I went to KI with Nick, Chris, and Bryan, which turned out to be the most fun I've ever had there I do believe.  That was definately one of the major highlights of my summer, even though the people at McDonald's probly thought we were high.  This summer has continued to be awesome and I know that I've forgotten to point out a lot of things, but I honestly can't remember when I last updated so I don't know if they're already covered or not and I'm too lazy to even try to look. 

There are gonna be some changes when I get back from my trip.  First of all, the next Harry Potter will be coming out as I get back, which means that I'll be mostly consumed for a couple of days while I read it.  I'm sorry if I'm not really on much during that time, but those damn books are addicting!  And I think I'm also gonna have to start doing my summer school work soon cause I don't want to end up screwing myself over too badly.  The question is what should I start on: Bio, History, English, or French ?   Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll probably end up holding it all off and then getting massively screwed the week before school starts.  Something that'll probably help that happen is the fact that I'm gonna get my license soon after I get back.  I know I only have like 20 hours now but my parents don't care and they'll sign the papers if I want them too.  I hope to take the test ASAP and get my license.  That way I'll finally be able to go everywhere I want to without getting my parents pissed off at me for taking their time away.  However, the best part about coming back from Florida will be the fact that my brother will FINALLY be home !!!    Now I can have a truly happy summer, even if just for a few weeks before school comes into the picture.  When I get back I expect to have a massive number of comments from everybody and plans of stuff for me to do during the span of the next three weeks.  I want to feel special !

GOODBYE FOR NOW !!!!!!    I'LL MISS YOU ALL ! 

oh, and I'm the guava !

Currently Listening Before These Crowded Streets By Dave Matthews Band Crush see related

Damn it's been a while since I wrote in here, but alas I'm back by popular demand !   I swear I'm gonna try to update this thing more often from now on.  However, the fact of it is that I'm lazy as hell; so I can't really guarantee anything.  Oh, and I'll also try to keep changing the music up so as to not stay too repetitive.  Tell me if you have any specific songs you want to hear.

First of all, let me start by thanking everyone for making this summer so awesome. THANK YOU !!!   So far this has been the best summer I've ever had.  I'm so glad that my friends have proved wrong what I said in my last entry.  Except for the occasional lapses of boredom that are impossible to escape, I've been constantly active.  If I were to write down everything that I've done and go into a half-decent explanation of them, this thing would take me a couple of hours and it would  probably be so long that no one would care to read it.  Let's just say that some of my activities have included going to Dr Homoelle's house and offering him leftover pizza, going on a 3 AM Goldstar run, becoming scared of bathrooms, blowing all my money on DDR, watching a very f'd up Star Wars thing, and seeing familiar faces at an airport in Dayton at 6 in the morning.  In the last two weeks there have been 4 nights, maybe 5 after tonight, when I just didn't sleep at all and I must say that I love it !  The only bad part about this summer so far is that my brother went to Florida.   If he were here it would probably be almost perfect cause then I would never have a dull moment.  For the most part, though, everything just seems to be going well for me at the moment, despite the fact that it's the exact opposite for a lot of my friends.   All I can tell you guys is that things are gonna get better because, frankly, they always do; so, please, if just for my sake, don't do anything stupid ! 

Tomorrow, or actually later today, starts my volunteering at Bethany House.  Thanks to all of you who have offered to help me so far, but, due to some bad timing on my part, I still need some more people to show up, at least for this one.  Please, if you read this and are free from 6:30 to 8:30 contact me so that I can utilize your help.  I don't care who you are or even if I've ever met you, but I need someone to show up !  You'll be doing community service and having fun at the same time. What could be better !?    But seriously, I NEED SOME HELP !!!

There's also gonna be a lot of other stuff I'm planning to do this summer, so if you want to get in on any of it just get in touch with me somehow.  I'll tell you people more later, but in the meantime continue to make this the best summer ever !